Review
Prepare Thy Work, written by Daniel Forster, is a study to ‘prepare young men for Christian marriage’, published by Doorposts. Recommended to be completed with a father or within a men’s group, each section is laid out similiarly with Scripture to study, questions to answer, and sections titled “Hear Counsel” and “Take Action”, as well as suggestions for further study.
The seven sections in the book are entitled Faith and Doctrine, Godly Manhood, Vocation, Finances, Dowry, Courtship, and Family Vision. While many of the topics are worthy and covered biblically, you can see by the titles that some of the topics lean a bit to the old-fashioned side.
My 18-year-old son reviewed Prepare Thy Work with me, and we agreed that there was much in the study that was worthwhile. Reminders about responsibility, taking intitiative, being practical about a future career, and advice to love and cherish a future wife are all ideas I want my sons to hold. I especially appreciate the reminder to men to love their wives and commit to her as Christ loves the Church.
However, there are some ideas put forth as counsel that are most definitely the author’s opinion and stated quite dogmatically. Also, an entire chapter on the concept of ‘dowry’ was interesting, but to our minds, not very practical for most people. My other concerns with some of the ideas put forth in this study are:
- overinvolvement of the parents when a young person has reached adulthood
- the statement that young men should remain under their father’s authority until marriage (p.52)
- “courtship” given as the only Biblical pattern for pursuing marriage
While I also believe that children of any age should honor their parents, the author’s mandate that grown men should remain under their father’s authority seems strange to me, at best (What if they don’t meet their wife till they’re in their late 20s or 30s?). While I agree that Christians should have a different path than the world in regards to young adulthood and preparation for marriage, this isn’t the only way to go about it. If a young man decides to utilize Prepare Thy Work for study, please weigh the opinions of the author against your own beliefs, and especially in light of Scripture.
About the Reviewer
When John & Pam Forster started Doorposts in 1990, Daniel helped carry charts and shipping supplies out of the attic once a week to ship orders. He is currently the manager of Doorposts, husband to Katelyn, and father to two cute little girls.
From Doorposts’ beginning, in 1990, their mission has been to supply you with
“Bible-based, parent-designed, family-tested products to help you apply Scripture in your home.”
Thanks, Jen, for this review! You have some good points.
First, I should clarify that the “counsel” portions of “Prepare Thy Work” are not my words, but advice I’ve received from other godly men and authors, as I explain in the introduction. Some points of advice may conflict with one another or seem dogmatic, but my goal in sharing this advice is to give food for thought and discussion among parents and sons.
The point of counsel about sons remaining under their father’s authority was my attempt to summarize advice from “The Family, God’s Weapon for Victory,” a book by Robert Andrews.
If a father is wise and not overbearing in his role, the application of
this idea isn’t as radical as it sounds. Andrews devotes a whole chapter of his book to this question and addresses some common concerns, along with some powerful stories from his own parenting experience. These quotations from his book will provide some balance:
“It should be the purpose of every father to prepare his son for that day, his wedding day, when he will be out fron under his father’s authority and become directly responsible to Jesus Christ. Of course, he hasn’t been a ‘child’ for a long time, and ideally his father has allowed him to take more and more responsibility as he has prepared his son for this day. Probably the father has not given a great deal of explicit direction to his son’s live for some time, allowing him to make more and more of his own decisions as he has gotten older.”
“To be independent, out from under the family authority structure, and not feel the weight of the responsibility for others is a freedom that we were not designed to experience.
“This of course does not mean that a father tells his thirty-year-old single son what to do. The son has been on his own for years, maybe even living in another part of the country. It means that he still honors his father’s authority in his life, something his married brother no longer does. He lives in the light of a mental awareness of a protection and provision that his father still provides. He is still there for the son to lean on if necessary.”
I see scriptural support for both sides of this question. Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife…” The example Christ sets as a son under His Father’s authority is also a good model we should follow as sons. At the same time, the age of 20 is the biblical age of adulthood, and we can infer that this gives greater individual responsibility to adult children.
Obviously, application of these biblical principles will vary from one family to another, and it will depend on what type of relationship you have with your children. We need to be wise, seek God’s will, and discuss these ideas with our family and with other Christians. Thanks for contributing some great thoughts to the discussion!
Thank you, Daniel, for your gracious response, and also for the clarification–flexibility is key. Definitely agree that these sorts of topics warrant LOTS of discussion in our own families! With grown children and teenagers of my own, it is so important to spend a great deal of time in prayer and talk about these important issues. Thanks!
I am not familiar with this particular Doorposts publication, but will say that other Doorposts products we have purchased and used have (eventually) reaped blessings in our home. My assumption is that if one’s view on specific issues (courting, discipline, age of responsibility, etc.) matches the Forsters, this will indeed be a valuable library addition. If one’s ideas about specific topics does not concur, it is likely that there is lively discussion to be had and biblical wisdom to be gleaned from its pages. Daniel, thank you for your clarification on the authority issue. Is there a place online to hear your thoughts about a young woman’s dowry? I, perhaps like many westerners, am unfamiliar with how this concept might work in our culture, so find the thought of a full chapter dedicated to this topic intriguing. Thanks to you both, Jen & Daniel.
Thank you for your comment. It is so true that not all resources will work for every family. A lively debate is a good thing, and our children will also be hammering out their own beliefs in these areas, so for them to see us discussing differing views is also very healthy!
Jen,
My husband and I own a few books from Doorpost and what I like about them is their honesty and the scripture to back their beliefs. If you look into the Jewish culture, a son isn’t considered a man until he is in his 30′s. Until that time, he is under his father’s authority.
It is always best to prepare our children for adulthood. A dowry is something I did as a young person. By the time I got married I already had everything I needed. It is smart to prepared our sons to provide for their family and for young women to prepare their home. Both of these are Biblical.
It is interesting to me that some Christians want to pick and choose from Scripture what they think is important.
Like I said before, Doorpost backs their beliefs from scripture and as a Christian that is good enough for me.
My husband and I have been blessed by Doorpost and we thank God for the counsel we have received from reading their books.
Rebecca, thank you for your feedback. Each family will have its own priorities, which is why it is a blessing that there is such a variety of materials available! I don’t believe it’s a matter of ‘choosing from Scripture’ as the matters of dowry, etc. are not commands, it’s a matter of what works best for a family and the emphasis chosen by the parents.That may well look different from family to family, in my opinion. Blessings!
we have a special young man in our family that this would be ideal.
This sounded very interesting to me at first – and even more so after Daniel took the time to clarify points further in response to your review, Jen. I will be asking my husband to take a look at this for our son. It sounds like a great resource!
Our family has been blessed by the Doorposts charts and books too. LOVE For Instruction In Righteousness! This looks like a good one for our family, as we have 4 boys!